(no subject)

Bloodydamnhell.

I e-mailed myself my research paper, so that I could print it out here at the college computer lab. For whatever reason, it appears that it didn't go through very well. I'm hoping to god this doesn't mean that the paper itself wasn't saved the way I thought it was, because then I would have to redo the WHOLE DAMNED THING.

Good mood? All gone.

(no subject)

So.

I /did/ save it, like I thought I did, but for some reason as soon as I open the file and start to read the paper, everything but the first page disappears. So realistically, I have to write the damned thing over again. And I have another paper to write, too. And the doctor wants me to go back on those damned pills that make me sick, but I absolutely refused until Christmas break, so that at least I can only ruin my /holidays/ instead of my GPA. And family money trouble is a lot tighter than I'd realized, which leaves me hoping even more that I can get that place so that I'm not such a burden on everyone. And I still keep thinking about things that are useless and painful to think about, and I don't know how to stop.

Why do I even bother? It's not like it matters. I'm going to graduate in Fall, even assuming that I manage to get through this program, and no one hires people in the winter in the schools. I can't even manage to get a G.A. filing papers. How freakin' incompetent do you have to be that people won't trust you to file papers and type little numbers in little lines for five hours a day, even /with/ a reference?

Damn it, damn it, damn it. This is not productive. For that matter, I'm not even sad as much as I am angry. And since I don't have any one else to take it out on, I'm beating myself up about things that really aren't under my control. I know this. Hell, I've got a degree in this. So I'll just shut up and rewrite my paper. At least I already know what I was saying, right?