![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
This is one of those days when I haven't said much at all. It happens that way, sometimes. I've gone two or three days without saying a word beyond 'hello' or 'yes' or 'no' to other people. It never bothers me all that much, but I feel, somehow, that it should bother me. More so lately, though. My counselor asked me a while ago, "Who is it that supports you when you're feeling bad? Gives you a hug, tells you things are going to work out, or is just there for you?" I didn't really have an answer for her, and I still don't. Emotionally, I pretty much do for myself. Part of me is proud of that...you can't really count on anyone else to be there for you, and I don't mean that in a mean way. It's just that everyone has their own pain, their own problems. Most people never notice when other people are hurting, because they're hurting, themselves. So it's better if you can support yourself when you hurt. On the other hand, I guess it would be nice to not have to.
I guess, sometimes, it's not so much that I'm lonely. It's more that I'm alone, and I worry that I'm so comfortable and used to being alone, that I'll never make a real effort to be anything but. I wonder if I'm so used to being on the outside, looking in, that I'm not making the effort to reach for things that would be valuable and joyful to me, not out of a real fear of rejection, or out of ethical or practical considerations, but simply because a part of me doesn't want to disturb the status quo. Or, at least, doesn't want to initiate such a change.
Bleh. Useless rambling. I'm in Baldur's Gate, have 10 days to live, and promised to steal stuff from a temple. Let's hit it.
I guess, sometimes, it's not so much that I'm lonely. It's more that I'm alone, and I worry that I'm so comfortable and used to being alone, that I'll never make a real effort to be anything but. I wonder if I'm so used to being on the outside, looking in, that I'm not making the effort to reach for things that would be valuable and joyful to me, not out of a real fear of rejection, or out of ethical or practical considerations, but simply because a part of me doesn't want to disturb the status quo. Or, at least, doesn't want to initiate such a change.
Bleh. Useless rambling. I'm in Baldur's Gate, have 10 days to live, and promised to steal stuff from a temple. Let's hit it.
