Oooh, home in the news.

This is where my dad lives.

Actually, it directly affects us, since the 'no new roads' restriction means that where they're going to put the new houses goes directly by my dad's house. Currently, there's a one-lane dirt road there. Even paved, that's not a lot of room, and our driveway turns directly into it. The idea of 100 cars going down that road every day is...well, it is to laugh. I know my dad's pretty irritated about the expansion.

Oh, boy...

...this is, well, special. Very, very special. The End of Courtship

Quotes:

"For the first time in human history, mature women by the tens of thousands live the entire decade of their twenties — their most fertile years — neither in the homes of their fathers nor in the homes of their husbands; unprotected, lonely, and out of sync with their inborn nature."

Because God knows, if you're not having babies with a man, your life sucks.

"The change most immediately devastating for wooing is probably the sexual revolution. For why would a man court a woman for marriage when she may be sexually enjoyed, and regularly, without it? Contrary to what the youth of the sixties believed, they were not the first to feel the power of sexual desire. Many, perhaps even most, men in earlier times avidly sought sexual pleasure prior to and outside of marriage. But they usually distinguished, as did the culture generally, between women one fooled around with and women one married, between a woman of easy virtue and a woman of virtue simply. Only respectable women were respected; one no more wanted a loose woman for one's partner than for one's mother."

Because if there aren't women that you can look down on as sluts, then there's just something wrong with the world, isn't there?

"For it is a woman's refusal of sexual importunings, coupled with hints or promises of later gratification, that is generally a necessary condition of transforming a man's lust into love. Women also lost the capacity to discover their own genuine longings and best interests. For only by holding herself in reserve does a woman gain the distance and self-command needed to discern what and whom she truly wants and to insist that the ardent suitor measure up."

So, um. A woman can only know what she wants by being a tease, because she's just naturally too un-self-controlled to know if she wants to have sex.

Some people are really, really dumb.

Commentary on the "End of Courtship"

See, this whole view of male-female relations really skeeves me off. And it's not because I feel a need to defend myself for my own behavior or anything: as many of the people on my friends list know, I'm not exactly running around having nude parties or anything. But I think this view does a grave disservice to both men and women, and is deeply insulting.

First, because it's more relevant to my experience, the view this engenders of women is...abhorrent to say the least. It places all responsibility for sexual fidelity or control on the woman's part, while ensuring that she has to play the 'courting game' in order to get what she wants. She is not permitted to simply enjoy being with a member of the opposite sex; instead, she's expected to always have to be on the lookout, protecting her 'modesty' and 'virtue' from sneaky men trying to get for free what they should be 'paying' for. And never mind, for the moment, the assumption that makes all sexual relationships between people into whoredom, sex for security. Or the idea that the only reason you would want to spend your life with someone is for security or for the easy availability of sex. (The author claims to be a romantic. He's not. His view of relationships is, as far as I can tell, cold and greedy, with both participants using underhanded tricks to try and get either a wedding ring or sex from the other.) But nevermind that. Instead, let's look at the idea that a woman's greatest value is in her modesty and virtue. In other words, her ability to withhold from men what they want until they give her what she (presumably) wants: marriage and a baby. What kind of twisted shit is that, anyway? Are we, as women, supposed to take pride in that kind of role? Moreover, in the author's view, courtship lies in her teasing the man with what she has, that he wants, but denying it to him until he comes up with the right payment. Essentially, successful women in this paradigm are those who can display themselves to arouse, and then lie about doing so (modesty!) and trick a man into a relationship that, apparently, he only wants because he's desperate for the sex. You want to know why the common negative stereotype of femininity is deceptive, clingy, and 'cockteasing'? Because in the worldview that people such as this author admire, that's the way things are SUPPOSED to be. And, of course, a woman cannot know her own sexual desires, or act on them, because then her value as a sexual partner immediately drops, and men will only see her as worth 'fooling around' and not worth marrying. And that's the way it's supposed to be, of course, because it's the woman's job to preserve her virtue. If she doesn't, then she's not a woman worth respecting.

Now, look at what this says about the men, too. Men are not expected to have self-control. In fact, it's rather heavily implied that they are incapable of it. Moreover, the only reason they have any desire to be around women is to get into their pants. And once having had sex with a woman, if they are not entrapped by a wedding ring, they will immediately leave to find another. Forget things like friendship, enjoyment of another's company, or shared interests; a man doesn't care about anything regarding a woman except what he can get from her body. Unless, of course, she is a virtuous woman who denies him for so long that the base lust he feels turns to love. (How does that work, anyway? Is there a time table, or what?) Then, of course, he'll marry her. He'll probably still go out and have sex on the side, though. He can't help himself. Besides, it's okay! Everyone knows that you distinguish between the sluts and your wife. Now, I don't know about you, but I'm looking at that description, and thinking, "If men were /really/ like that, then I'd just be looking forward to a long life of celibacy." Really, who would want to be around someone like that, whether they were male or female, much less enshrine this view of masculinity as the ideal? What. The. Hell.

I like to be a charitable person. And so, I am forced to conclude that Mr. Kass and people like him look back in the past, and they see the pretty, formal manners, and the balls, and the stories, and go, "Aw, how sweet". And just never think about the underlying dynamics of what it means for people trying to get along with one another and, god forbid, find someone to love who loves them.

Also, speaking as a student in college? Yes, people still date. People still 'go steady'. People still fall in love, get married, and have children. Marriage is not dead, neither is love, or romance.