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I feel antsy. Restless. I want to have a real-life conversation with someone I'm not related to. I want to write, too, but it's hard to concentrate or get enthused about anything. Even the stuff I'm involved in sometimes ends up feeling more like work than play, sometimes. Possibly because I don't really feel like I'm accomplishing anything, these days. In life or on the MUSH, which is my main hobby with my car (and now my father's car) in the shop. For a wonder, the problems with my life are more easily solved than the ones with my hobby. If I could just get a ride, again, I'd have the freedom to do the things I need to do. As it is, the time creeps every closer when I'm supposed to go back to school, and if I don't have a car, I'm going to be...kinda screwed, really.
On the MUSH, however, the problem is a bit more complex. The skills my character has, I fear, just aren't...well, very /useful/ in the MUSH as it stands. She's a people person, with high Status, a lot of social skills, and a mind concerned more with puzzles and the practical application of resources towards a given end than either philosophy or battle. She's suited for talking people into things, using influence (and money) to steer events towards particular directions, and for listening and gathering information. Unfortunately, there aren't very many mysteries on the MUSH at the moment, and the areas where she should excel (especially in the steering of NPCs to effect other PCs) are useless, because the admin show no interest in dealing with NPCS.
*sighs* With gobs of Staff XP, I can't get a Helltongue/1 talisman on loan, or the services of a translator for an hour or two.
I can't even get a demon kicked out of an invitation-only, formal dress event, when the demon in question is in ratty clothes, doesn't have an invitation, looks too young to be in the club on an open night, and is actively posing harrassing and impeding the progress of NPCs who do have invitations. And yeah, that happened a while ago, but I'm still irritated. Not at the character...they were just doing what they do.
Just...frustrated. It's not that I want everything to be smooth sailing, because I don't. Part of the frustration is that I'm not having the problems that I /should/ be having. While circumstances and the character's own personality continue to push her into problems that she's totally unequipped to deal with.
And now, the character has to either move down roads that she's even less equipped to deal with (and that are bound to change her in ways that I fear aren't going to be really all that fun to deal with) or become even more of a hypocrite than she already is. And it's very, very frustrating to know that if she wants to accomplish what she isn't even sure she really wants, she has to step aside and let everyone else do it. The character doesn't have any teeth, either physically or supernaturally. And mundanely, where she /should/ have some teeth if she wanted to use them, nothing ever gets done.
I guess I just want a problem in the character's life that she has a chance at solving. She may fail. That's fine. I'd just like to feel that she has a /chance/. And some sort of victory would be nice, too. :)
Ah, well. I still have a few avenues to try and make progress in. Get rid of her Discord, complete her assigned task, and maybe things will start to look up.
In other news, I re-read 'The Gunslinger'. I knew there was a reason I hadn't re-read it since the first time. I'd forgotten how unimpressive it was, compared to the rest of the series. It really feels like it's written by a much younger writer, one who hasn't quite settled into his style, yet, much less gotten a good eye on the characters and setting. It's a useful read for the purposes of getting the events which lead up to 'The Drawing of the Three', but quite frankly, it can be skipped. The relevant parts are referenced elsewhere in the series, and in a much more proficient style. On the other hand, it's the shortest book of the series, and quite possibly worth slogging through. It's not a good book to judge the rest by, however.
Following the 'In Nomine Ludi' blog-game has reminded me of an idea I had, and was thinking about writing up and posting to Fanfiction.net a while back. It has occurred to me that the blog format would be the /perfect/ medium to exploit the idea to its fullest, although I'd really want/need a web-cam or digital camera, and a few co-conspiritors to do it justice. Something to think about, at least.
On the MUSH, however, the problem is a bit more complex. The skills my character has, I fear, just aren't...well, very /useful/ in the MUSH as it stands. She's a people person, with high Status, a lot of social skills, and a mind concerned more with puzzles and the practical application of resources towards a given end than either philosophy or battle. She's suited for talking people into things, using influence (and money) to steer events towards particular directions, and for listening and gathering information. Unfortunately, there aren't very many mysteries on the MUSH at the moment, and the areas where she should excel (especially in the steering of NPCs to effect other PCs) are useless, because the admin show no interest in dealing with NPCS.
*sighs* With gobs of Staff XP, I can't get a Helltongue/1 talisman on loan, or the services of a translator for an hour or two.
I can't even get a demon kicked out of an invitation-only, formal dress event, when the demon in question is in ratty clothes, doesn't have an invitation, looks too young to be in the club on an open night, and is actively posing harrassing and impeding the progress of NPCs who do have invitations. And yeah, that happened a while ago, but I'm still irritated. Not at the character...they were just doing what they do.
Just...frustrated. It's not that I want everything to be smooth sailing, because I don't. Part of the frustration is that I'm not having the problems that I /should/ be having. While circumstances and the character's own personality continue to push her into problems that she's totally unequipped to deal with.
And now, the character has to either move down roads that she's even less equipped to deal with (and that are bound to change her in ways that I fear aren't going to be really all that fun to deal with) or become even more of a hypocrite than she already is. And it's very, very frustrating to know that if she wants to accomplish what she isn't even sure she really wants, she has to step aside and let everyone else do it. The character doesn't have any teeth, either physically or supernaturally. And mundanely, where she /should/ have some teeth if she wanted to use them, nothing ever gets done.
I guess I just want a problem in the character's life that she has a chance at solving. She may fail. That's fine. I'd just like to feel that she has a /chance/. And some sort of victory would be nice, too. :)
Ah, well. I still have a few avenues to try and make progress in. Get rid of her Discord, complete her assigned task, and maybe things will start to look up.
In other news, I re-read 'The Gunslinger'. I knew there was a reason I hadn't re-read it since the first time. I'd forgotten how unimpressive it was, compared to the rest of the series. It really feels like it's written by a much younger writer, one who hasn't quite settled into his style, yet, much less gotten a good eye on the characters and setting. It's a useful read for the purposes of getting the events which lead up to 'The Drawing of the Three', but quite frankly, it can be skipped. The relevant parts are referenced elsewhere in the series, and in a much more proficient style. On the other hand, it's the shortest book of the series, and quite possibly worth slogging through. It's not a good book to judge the rest by, however.
Following the 'In Nomine Ludi' blog-game has reminded me of an idea I had, and was thinking about writing up and posting to Fanfiction.net a while back. It has occurred to me that the blog format would be the /perfect/ medium to exploit the idea to its fullest, although I'd really want/need a web-cam or digital camera, and a few co-conspiritors to do it justice. Something to think about, at least.
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So I've been trying to get better about that. A lot of times, though, I just prefer to listen to other people talk.
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It's badness! Bad!
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I've found what it seems to take is to give Fidelity a complete plan. Do all the work for him so all he has to do is show up, adjudicate a few rolls, and rubber-stamp it. Preferably, include at least one other PC.
And then never cease to harass him about it. At LEAST weekly. Preferably bi-weekly.
Gods know Cristobal hasn't had a problem he could solve in quite a while - so I went out and invented a wholly new one.
And that bastard Admin said he was gonna post my victory post before he went to bed, and it seems he just trundled off anyway. Unreliable sonofabitch. That's TWICE now he's let me do something, had a plan work out well, and THEN friggin' well denied me the one joy I wanted: media recognition. Remind me why the heck I moonlight for Nybbas? :p
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And yeah, that can work. Like the art festival, for instance. That ended up working pretty well because he didn't have to do anything, although I was very happy that he decided to do something. I guess I'm just too used to doing tabletop gaming...it feels wonky to have to work out entire plots for your own character. :P
*hugs* Maybe it'll be up sometime today? He's on DARK in the mornings and afternoons sometimes. I wanna see what you did!
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-I've found that the less he has to do for it, the more he lets you get away with. And let him slowly trickle into the scene. After several poses, he took an NPC in the scene and started posing the reactions of the crowd, which is just what I wanted. It IS wonky to do this, and even though I've been MUSHing since '98 (gods and demons, has it REALLY been that long?), there's usually more direction. Perhaps we need to have a sit-down meeting between Angels and Demons and OOCly hash out some big plot ideas, some little plot ideas, and some in-betweeners to give us all some things to do. Not just conflict, maybe even some cooperation, and present the list to Fid. It might work.
- I hope. _I_ wanna see just what I did. ;)
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- *nods* Actually, I really, really like that idea. I'd adore having a plot that would force Angels and Demons to co-operate for a limited time...it's really more fun than all-out War, and actually lets us RP with each other. :P With the playerbase as small as it is, if you're trying to avoid IC interaction with one faction or the other, you can be utterly out of luck, RP-wise, sometimes.
- The curiosity! It kills! *pace pace pace pace*
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http://www.deliriumsrealm.com/delirium/mythology/demon_list.asp
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(The site I used to look 'em up was much more poorly organzed, and used slightly different variations on the sigils.)
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- Well, I _think_ Fid's trying to slowly feed us that. I've had some run ins with folks who aren't aligned with either side... and having come to B&S from a MUSH where factions were even more separated and combat-oriented towards each other, I understand the pain of being the only one from your side online...
- Still nothing, then, I take it. Damn him! Damn him to heeeeecccck!
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