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Compressed and anthromorphized for your enjoyment.
*Boots up new motherboard*
Windows XP: 'sup? Looks like you got a new thing. Congrats.
Me: Thanks. Um, why didn't I hear your chime noise?
XP: Dunno.
Me: Let's test your sound.
XP: *resounding silence*
Me: Uh. That's not right.
XP: If you say so. Oh, by the way, here's this thing. Dunno what to do with it.
Me: What is it?
XP: PCI Device. Want me to look for drivers?
Me: Yeah, go for it. What kind of PCI device is it?
XP: Dunno, don't care. Oh, and I can't find anything for it.
Me: Well, if you could give me a little more information, I could go looking for whatever it is.
XP: It's a PCI Device. Duh.
Me: Yeah, but /what/ is it?
XP: Dunno, don't care.
Me: ...okay. Right. Well, I have my last sound card, so let's stick that sucker in and see what we can do.
XP: HEY! Badtouch, man. Also, this thing is really old.
Me: I know, but...
XP: Like, gramma toe cheese old. I don't want it messin' up my new MoBo.
Me; Then play sound.
XP: Nah.
Me: *INSTALL*
XP: *FAIL*
Me: ...bastard.
XP: Can't fight the system, man. Anyway, don't want it. Get something that wasn't hacked out of silicon with stone tools.
Me: I'll show you. I'll find the drivers for it, and MAKE you like it. *surfs the interwebz*
SoundBlaster Site: Welcome, child, into the land of drivers. How may I help you?
Me: I need stuff for this sound card...
SB Site: *bursts out laughing*
Me: ...
SB Site: ...oh. You're serious. Oh, dear. Well. Here, try this. And may Google have mercy on your soul.
Me: *INSTALL*
XP: *FAIL*
Me: FINE. YOU WIN. *pant pant* Okay, time to call out the big guns. Time to seek out divine help. Oh, Google, let this humble supplicant enter your halls and be refreshed with the water of knowledge!
Google: *light shines, an ethereal chorus sings a triumphant note* That motherboard needs these sound drivers, by the way. Doesn't come with the original install. Here, let me show you where to get them and how to install them.
Me: I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy!
Google: I know, but I love you anyway.
Me: *INSTALL*
XP: ...
Me: HA!
Realtek: HI!
Me: Um. Hi?
Realtek: Gosh, it's good to meet you! Is this where I'm gonna live? This is swell! I love this! I love you! Look at this...I can turn any music into karaoke! I can sound like I'm in a stone corridor, or an arena, or a sewer pipe, or your bathroom! It can be a bathroom bonding experience! You and me!
Me: No! No, that's fine. I just wanna listen to some music.
Realtek: Oh, gee, golly gosh! I love music. Here, let's test me, and then you can see how much you love me! Do you want the test to be in the bathroom environment?
Me: ...no. Really.
Realtek: Because I can do that! It'll be like I'm in your shower with you, just sitting here, playing your music, watching you soap up...
Me: GAH! No. Just...test the sound. Please.
Realtek: SURE! I love to test! Running the test, running the test, doo dee da da...
Me: I'm...not hearing anything.
Realtek: Running the test, running the test, oh this is fun, running the test...
Me: Look, hey, stop. I'm not hearing anything.
Realtek: Everything's fine! Wasn't that fun? Would you like to experience the bathroom environment now?
Me: Shut up about the bathroom! Look, here, lemme...*unplugs the wires, plugs them back in*
Realtek: Oooooh, that tickles! Look, let me show you exactly where you touched me! See, I'll make it flash. I like it when you touch me! Especially when I'm in the...
Me: SHUT UP. I swear, if you say 'bathroom' again, I'm going uninstall you and beat the sound card to death.
Realtek: ...stone corridor? A-anyway, oh best of friends, it's not me. I'm working fine. I'm perfect! ...I bet it's him.
XP: *yawn* Huh? What?
Realtek: He's got a shifty look about him. I'll bet he doesn't even like bathrooms.
XP: The fuck? Boss, can I kill it?
Me: Maybe. But let me go pray, again. Oh, all-knowing Google, reveal to this supplicant thy almighty wisdom in the ways of hardware conflicts!
Google: You were wise to consult me, young and needy one. Lo, for your XP does not understand what it is being told by Realtek...
Me: ...that makes two of us...
Google: Thou shalt not interrupt thy god. Ahem. As I was saying, although the two do not communicate as they should, I am great and mighty, and will lead you to the hotfix which will light the path and open the gates of sound.
Me: *grovels suitably*
And now, I'm downloading the hotfix. So, who knows, maybe I'll have sound tonight!
EDIT: No, that didn't work, although it almost seems as if the computer is /trying/ to play sound.
*Boots up new motherboard*
Windows XP: 'sup? Looks like you got a new thing. Congrats.
Me: Thanks. Um, why didn't I hear your chime noise?
XP: Dunno.
Me: Let's test your sound.
XP: *resounding silence*
Me: Uh. That's not right.
XP: If you say so. Oh, by the way, here's this thing. Dunno what to do with it.
Me: What is it?
XP: PCI Device. Want me to look for drivers?
Me: Yeah, go for it. What kind of PCI device is it?
XP: Dunno, don't care. Oh, and I can't find anything for it.
Me: Well, if you could give me a little more information, I could go looking for whatever it is.
XP: It's a PCI Device. Duh.
Me: Yeah, but /what/ is it?
XP: Dunno, don't care.
Me: ...okay. Right. Well, I have my last sound card, so let's stick that sucker in and see what we can do.
XP: HEY! Badtouch, man. Also, this thing is really old.
Me: I know, but...
XP: Like, gramma toe cheese old. I don't want it messin' up my new MoBo.
Me; Then play sound.
XP: Nah.
Me: *INSTALL*
XP: *FAIL*
Me: ...bastard.
XP: Can't fight the system, man. Anyway, don't want it. Get something that wasn't hacked out of silicon with stone tools.
Me: I'll show you. I'll find the drivers for it, and MAKE you like it. *surfs the interwebz*
SoundBlaster Site: Welcome, child, into the land of drivers. How may I help you?
Me: I need stuff for this sound card...
SB Site: *bursts out laughing*
Me: ...
SB Site: ...oh. You're serious. Oh, dear. Well. Here, try this. And may Google have mercy on your soul.
Me: *INSTALL*
XP: *FAIL*
Me: FINE. YOU WIN. *pant pant* Okay, time to call out the big guns. Time to seek out divine help. Oh, Google, let this humble supplicant enter your halls and be refreshed with the water of knowledge!
Google: *light shines, an ethereal chorus sings a triumphant note* That motherboard needs these sound drivers, by the way. Doesn't come with the original install. Here, let me show you where to get them and how to install them.
Me: I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy!
Google: I know, but I love you anyway.
Me: *INSTALL*
XP: ...
Me: HA!
Realtek: HI!
Me: Um. Hi?
Realtek: Gosh, it's good to meet you! Is this where I'm gonna live? This is swell! I love this! I love you! Look at this...I can turn any music into karaoke! I can sound like I'm in a stone corridor, or an arena, or a sewer pipe, or your bathroom! It can be a bathroom bonding experience! You and me!
Me: No! No, that's fine. I just wanna listen to some music.
Realtek: Oh, gee, golly gosh! I love music. Here, let's test me, and then you can see how much you love me! Do you want the test to be in the bathroom environment?
Me: ...no. Really.
Realtek: Because I can do that! It'll be like I'm in your shower with you, just sitting here, playing your music, watching you soap up...
Me: GAH! No. Just...test the sound. Please.
Realtek: SURE! I love to test! Running the test, running the test, doo dee da da...
Me: I'm...not hearing anything.
Realtek: Running the test, running the test, oh this is fun, running the test...
Me: Look, hey, stop. I'm not hearing anything.
Realtek: Everything's fine! Wasn't that fun? Would you like to experience the bathroom environment now?
Me: Shut up about the bathroom! Look, here, lemme...*unplugs the wires, plugs them back in*
Realtek: Oooooh, that tickles! Look, let me show you exactly where you touched me! See, I'll make it flash. I like it when you touch me! Especially when I'm in the...
Me: SHUT UP. I swear, if you say 'bathroom' again, I'm going uninstall you and beat the sound card to death.
Realtek: ...stone corridor? A-anyway, oh best of friends, it's not me. I'm working fine. I'm perfect! ...I bet it's him.
XP: *yawn* Huh? What?
Realtek: He's got a shifty look about him. I'll bet he doesn't even like bathrooms.
XP: The fuck? Boss, can I kill it?
Me: Maybe. But let me go pray, again. Oh, all-knowing Google, reveal to this supplicant thy almighty wisdom in the ways of hardware conflicts!
Google: You were wise to consult me, young and needy one. Lo, for your XP does not understand what it is being told by Realtek...
Me: ...that makes two of us...
Google: Thou shalt not interrupt thy god. Ahem. As I was saying, although the two do not communicate as they should, I am great and mighty, and will lead you to the hotfix which will light the path and open the gates of sound.
Me: *grovels suitably*
And now, I'm downloading the hotfix. So, who knows, maybe I'll have sound tonight!
EDIT: No, that didn't work, although it almost seems as if the computer is /trying/ to play sound.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
From:
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I think.
Or you could just keep writing these entries and destroying me with laughter.
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Also...I don't suppose you have any idea how to make it work? 'cause I am at a loss, here.
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I have troubles with Realtek as well. I have found that the key to getting them to work is to NOT restart your computer when the installer tells you to. This is a crappy fix, as it requires you to reinstall the drivers every time your computer restarts, but it does get you sound. Also, you don't actually need to uninstall the drivers before you reinstall them. This may be horribly bad for the computer, but whatever saves me from restarting my compy fifty bajillion times is okay in my book.
... Until my compy melts into a heap of slag under the weight of my poor installation practices. Curse you, Realtek!
Have you found a better solution yet? If so, plz share?
From:
no subject
Also, love your icon. :D
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